News
 How
to Make Your First Paragraph Powerful
By Craig Huey
How do you start your letter, your brochure, your
website or any other direct response piece? Do you
tell the prospect immediately what it is you’re
trying to sell? Do you warm him up so he can
understand why he needs your product or service? Do
you get right into the sales pitch?
The direction of the first paragraph of your direct
response piece depends on the theme you’ve chosen.
That theme will dictate whether your lead paragraph
will follow a particular creative approach or focus
on your offer.
Once your lead paragraph is in harmony with your
theme, the focus should shift to your warm-up. An
ineffective warm-up will cripple a direct mail
letter more than any other factor, resulting in a
mediocre or losing letter.
Let me give you some illustrations...
In the following, you must read two or three
paragraphs before you really get to the heart of
what the piece is all about. These paragraphs cause
tremendous drop-off in readership and develop a
feeling of not just boredom, but confusion as to
what the writer is trying to sell.
“As a homeowner, you know how maintenance costs are
climbing every day. And in these days of tighter
budgets, we don’t need to tell you that needed home
maintenance is too often ignored in terms of
priority dollars.”
“Despite international treaties designed to stop the
use of drift nets in commercial tuna fishing, which
results in the slaughter of many hundreds of
dolphins each year, violations are still taking
place. For an independent organization like ours to
monitor and deter the use of drift nets, operation
costs can be staggering.”
The three-paragraph rule in direct response states
simply that with most sales pieces, you can cut off
the first three paragraphs and start with the
fourth. Though this rule is a bit arbitrary, it
tends to prove true when reviewing drafts from the
majority of copywriters. The copywriter will warm up
to the subject and his key, but the critical lead
paragraph is buried further down in the fourth or
fifth paragraph.
A great sales piece will get to the point right
away. Your objective is to demand and attract the
interest of the reader. It is not to set the
groundwork for understanding the piece; it’s to
generate immediate interest in the theme that you
have chosen.
Also, the beginning paragraph should be in the first
person. A quick way to destroy a letter or other
direct response piece is to talk in the third person
or have a lot of “we’s” in the copy. To start a
letter with “we” can cripple your response.
Here’s an example of a poorly constructed start:
“We are living in very precarious times.
Bankruptcies and foreclosures are at an all-time
high. Businesses are being liquidated in record
numbers. And homelessness is on the increase. As a
nation, we must come together to reverse these
dangerous trends, but we will need your backing if
we are to succeed.”
Conversely, beginning a letter with the word “you”
immediately involves the prospect in the copy. A
“you”-oriented letter speaks directly to the needs
of the prospect.
Here in a nutshell are a few of the rules to follow
in creating your first paragraph:
1. Make it dramatic, interesting and directed to the
right target audience.
The focus is on the reader’s self-interest.
2. Keep your paragraph short.
3. Keep your sentences short.
4. Keep your words short.
5. Use “you” to involve the reader.
6. Make your message come from one person, on a very
personal basis, with the intent of building a
one-on-one readership throughout the piece.
7. In evaluating any sales letter, one of the first
things you should do is look at the lead paragraph.
Does it match the style and flavor of the six points
listed above?
Craig Huey is president of a direct response
advertising agency, Creative Direct Marketing Group,
Inc and InfoMat. 310-212-5727 (craig@cdmginc.com).
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